Yakaze Sasa

[Yakaze Sasa]

||| Yakaze Sasa |||

Nagisa Kowaru ; Neon Genesis Evangelion
art source

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#Name;
Yakaze Sasa
#Age ;
17
#Gender ;
Male
#Sexuality ;
Male
#D.O.B. ;
01/13
#Occupation ;
Student, part time on nearby café
#Year and class ;
2 year, class A

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#Height ;
1'7 (174 Cm)
#Weight ;
143 lb (65 kg)
#Physique ;
Looks rather average compared too the most other guys at his age, but due to his constant training, he is rather fit.
#Hair color and style ;
Average length and is somewhat messy.(Imagine the picture)

His hair color is white.
#Eye color ; Blue
Blue
#Other appearance details (optional) ;
An old injury at his right shoulder which needed medical assistance left a small scar after the operation.

Has very "rough" hands due to his dancing. (which is break dancing that evolves around being on the floor/ground A lot. As he often practice outside, the harsh ground causes this "Damage".

Got a piercing in his right ear.
#Clothing styles ;
At school he wears the uniform properly and look "as he should". Outside of school or formal occasions, he usually wears relaxed clothing, often with a cap and sometime finger less gloves.



When he wears a cap he usually wears a bandanna underneath it.

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#Personality ;


Sasa has always been concidered shy, but that is completely wrong. The thing with Sasa is that through his entire life, he have always enjoyed being alone, and usually never felt like he had/have any reason to small talk to people which means that he'll most likely start a conversation with someone if there's something he wants (In a way of knowing ahead of why he wanna speak with that person). This lead to him often being very lonely and as his parents never really showed any emotions towards him or eachother, he pretty much had himself. 

Sasa felt unwanted by his parents, for as long as he can remember and this bring anger to him. All he wants is a regular family like everyone else had, he just wanted parents which would show some appreciation and affection like normal parents do! he felt alone like never before.

Later on he ran away from his parents house to stay with his uncle, which was a dream comming true. His uncle became the dad he never had, thuss the only parents he ever had also. He spent time doing what he loved to do, and enjoyed life to the fullest when suddenly a tragic accident occured. 

He lost his grandpa in this accident and was not only devestated by the fact that the onlyone close to him is gone, but also that he was alone again. Sasa started to avoid getting any sort of relation with people, as he was afraid that he would loose them too.


And even if he would speak with people or be in a public place, he would rarely, if not never show his emotions.

Now was the most important time of his life to stand for he was, and not back down for what people wanted or expected him to do. He finds joy in doing what he wanna do himself and easily get upset if people around him try to boss him around. He decided to never gets pushed down again like his parents attempted.


The only thing that Sasa nowdays believe in, is his ability to do things and dancing. he know that those two things never will abandon him, and these are things nothing can take away from him.

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#History ;





Sasa has a somewhat regular life, except from the fact that he lives alone and has to pay for his living by himself. When he was 15, he started to dance more and more which gave negative effects on his studies, which his parents wouldn't stop nagging about. They kept telling him how dancing couldn't be a part of him, as it ruined him and nevertheless if it were to be in his life, it was nothing more than a hobby that comes after school and work.

One time, his parents decided another method, forcing him to quit dancing. They told him that they strictly forbid it, and if it were to occur, he would be punished for it. The same day as he got this information he ran away and found himself at his uncle place, where he got invited to stay as long as needed. He liked to think that his parents had no clue of where he might had went, but in the back of his head he figured that his uncle had told them already at his arrival day. He figured that his parents were just happy to get rid of him, as he were not the top student son that they wanted him to be. He never really knew if he were going to meet his parents again or not, but they had never been very happy about having him at all, ever since he remembers, they had not been the usuall loving family. His father and mother rarely gave away any sign of romantic emotion to eachother.

So at his spare time he did what he loved, he danced, and became so good at it so he started competing in it. He was living the life that he wished to lived, and getting behind in school or not creating any social bonds with anyone didn't bother him at all.

But one day a very unexpected thing happen, he got a phone call from the hospital when he was home alone, doing dinner for them both, that when his uncle was on his way to the grocery store to buy that last thing needed for dinner, he had been hit by an car leading to fatal results.



This really got to him, as his uncle was the only one that stood as close to him as he did, and not only that, he was afraid that he might had to move back to his parents house. But just a couple of days later, one of his uncle's friend gave Sasa a tip about a local cafe that was looking for people to help out and Sasa instantly went there without hesitation. Luckily for him, they gave him the job without any hassle and he could quickly get to work so he could keep the small apartment.(This happened about the same time as he turned 16)



For a couple of months, he just did nothing. He would go out and train some, but never had the urge to do so as usually. He would most of the time sit in the old apartment that he and his uncle used to live in. Even though he was mostly sad about the situation he found himself in, he was thankful about the job that he had gotten. Though he sold most of his furniture to have some spare cash in case something went wrong.



After the depression started to fade away, he would slowly but steady get back into his regular training routine. He started taking school more serious and actually started attending to class more and turning in his homework leading to improvement in his grades.

(and now we're at present time)

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The Roleplayer's Corner

#Nickname ; Kevin/Cooper/Kissemisseh, this is generally what people call me, pick one.
#Age ;born 1996, so 18 now, but in a near future 19.
#Gender (optional); Male
#Seen the anime/played the visual novel? ;I have not finished after story yet, and i have just touched the visual novel briefly.
#How did you find us? ; By our lovely chap Karina.

#Sample RP ;


It was a regular afternoon/evening for Sasa, which means that you could either find him outside, or in his bed. Today specifically, he was found in his bed as it had started pour down outside. He looked at the clock and gave out a small sigh as he felt like it was too early for sleep, and then he turned his head towards the window and watched as the raindrops whipped the glass.

After quite a while of daydreaming, he sat up in the bed and started to look around in the apartment. He had sold almost everything to get money which he saved in case he would ever be in some sort of emergency, but this gave him a sort of empty feeling. Mostly because he got the memories of his uncle with him here, but also because well, it was very empty. He had a chair, a small desk and a bed. This was everything except for the necessary products to live, like making food or such.


He walked towards the window and watched how the people outside trying to take shelter from the rain. He could see whole families trying to fit under one umbrella, but obviously that did not work out as intended.


"Screw this, i am going out," he quietly mumbled to himself as he headed towards the door. Wearing regular jeans and a hoodie he headed out. When he got out of the door, the rain made him soaking wet in just a matter of seconds. He started to walk towards the small shop that was nearby, but when he had arrived outside of it, and saw the clock through the window, it hit him.


"Crap... I totally forgot that!" he thought to himself as he starting to sprint towards the cafe that he was working at. As usual, he had completely forgot about his duties and was once again late for work.

Finally there, he rushed through the door and there, he found his boss, which didn't look happy at all.


"You better have a good reason for being late, again," his boss quickly said to him when he saw him.


Sasa gave a quick glance around him, and saw that there were no customers there, which was to be expected as it was a rainy day, and then looked back to his seemingly unhappy boss.


"It's not like it did any damage, there's none here anyway, and it's only human to do mistakes," he said as he gave out a small sigh.

This comment led to a scold from his boss, which didn't affect Sasa in anyway, the only consequence he had gotten from this, was that he got sent home again, ironically for the reason he had stated before.



//OOC// Be gentle with me. Having a solo RP is super duper hard and i was all dry for ideas T_T

[Densetsu Karu]

Hello, Cooper, and welcome to Dango Daikazoku. Recalling what you said about English not being your first language, it's commendable that you're attempting to join an English roleplay forum! We're happy to have you! I'll try not to nitpick too hard, but at the same time, I'm going to point out some grammatical/spelling errors alongside my review to help you polish up this application. For easier organization, I'll use mini-headers for each area of note.

Appearance

Some people would argue it to be long, some would argue it to be short. I am just going to say it's average length, and a bit messy. (Imagine the picture)

This particular quote is not too much of an issue, so I won't make you change it. However, keep in mind not to be unnecessarily wordy. The first sentence has no purpose, since it contrasts two hypothetical views but ultimately gets nothing done in terms of describing your character. Cutting it down to the following would get your point across quicker:

His hair is an average length and a bit messy. (Like the picture.)

Normally I wouldn't point out a wordy sentence if it were on its own. However, your personality section has some instances of wordiness as well.

Personality

Some people would see him a shy, but this is not the case at all. Sasa usually find no reason to start a conversation with someone, or have any sort of interaction with them unless he actually wants something. But if you were to know him, you'd soon find out that he is often very kind to people, altough sometimes he can come out as harsh as he oftens is very straight forward with his beliefs and thoughts. They might be very positive or very negative, but nedlessly, he will probably say it.

Things like "if you were to know him," or "some people would" are fine to use from time to time, but using sentences like this too much can be hard to read. Long sentences are nice. However, short sentences that get to the point quickly are also nice. Try not to have too many of one or the other.

Example of cutting down extra wordiness:
"or {have any sort of interaction} with them" --> "or interact with them"

Here's how I would reword your first paragraph:

To some people, Sasa might be described as shy, but this is not the case at all. Unless he needs something specific, Sasa has no reason to interact with strangers, which can make him seem shy or unfriendly. Beneath the cold exterior, he is very kind to people. However, he can also come across as harsh, since he is very straightforward about his true beliefs or thoughts.

Moving on; your personality is a little sparse to me. Something important about personality is not only describing the superficial things (such as how your character acts in public), but also the deeper confines of their personality. The "stuff that makes them tick," so to speak. For example, how did being forced to quit dancing affect his personality? What about his uncle's accident? From what I can read in this section, these things seemed to have very little impact on his personality.

History

That aside, your history section is pretty good. My only complaint is about is parents. If they were so adamant about making him quit his hobby, why did they let him live with his uncle? How did they react when he moved back in with them? There's also a small gap in events: you said he moved back with his parents, but next paragraph describe him as living alone. A little more explanation about these things would go a long way.

(Also, in this part; "This really got to him, as his uncle were the only one that stood as close to him as he did," use "was" instead of "were." The difference is that "was" is for singular nouns, like "The dog was happy." Meanwhile, "were" is for plural, i.e. "The dogs were happy.")

Sample RP

Your sample RP is good, too. Nice job! You're right, solo RPs can be tough. All the more credit to you for doing one! All I have is a few things to point out, grammar-wise:

"You better have a good reason for being late, again." he said as he empathized "again"

First, the word is spelled "emphasized," not "empathized." I actually get these two words mixed up a lot too, but they have very different meanings. Next, you can actually show emphasis using italics like this. Italics can be made using the codes [i*] and [/i*] without the asterisks. Finally, when you close dialogue with "said" on the end of the sentence, you have to use a comma in the dialogue. It's easier if I show you:

"You better have a good reason for being late, again," he said.

More examples of the comma in dialogue:

"It's pretty cold out today," she mumbled.
"Stop leaving the door open," he grumbled, "you're letting the cold in."

This does not apply for other punctuation marks, though.

"Are you okay?" she asked.
"Stop it!" he screamed.

Finally, note that you're not always required to include a "said"/other word.

"Are you alright?" the boy asked.

"Yeah. Don't worry about me."

"Okay, good."

Notice how the second and third sentences don't have a "said." If you have only two people speaking, you're not required to use "said" or other similar words every single time. It can be grating to read a conversation like this with one after every sentence. Since we as readers know there are only two people, it's okay to drop the verb sometimes. However, if you need to convey a specific emotion or action, keeping them in is recommended.

Not that this is not a rule; just a tip for easier writing!

(For the "you're late again" part, you could actually drop the "he said" since we already know it's the boss speaking. But like I said, it's up to the writer.)

That's all I'll say for now. I hope I wasn't too unclear here! If you need any help, want me to word something better, or anything of that nature, let me know on Skype or via PM. I'm happy to help you with your writing and your character. (There's also Vivo and Atena, our other staff members, if I'm not around.)

Good luck with your revisions and have a wonderful day/night!

[Inoue Kohaku]