Kaori Honda

[kaori789]

||| KAORI HONDA |||

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#Name; Kaori Honda
#Age ; 17
#Gender ; Female
#Sexuality ; Heterosexual
#D.O.B. ; 13th July
#Occupation ; Student
#Year and class ; 3-B

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#Height ; 5ft 5"
#Weight ; 120lbs
#Physique ; Small, slightly frail and slender.
#Hair color and style ; Long dark brown hair which she either wears down or in a ponytail.
#Eye color ; hazel brown.
#Other appearance details (optional) ; N/A
#Clothing styles ; Kaori normally wears her school uniform when at school. Outside of school, she wears a variety of sport clothing along with t-shirts, shirts, jeans, trainers, hoodies and occasionally baseball caps as well.

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#Personality ;
Kaori is a shy girl when at school and around strangers or people that she doesn't know well due self confidence issues about being weaker and slower than her classmates, but when she is with her family and close friends including childhood friends and twin brothers Ryota and Yuuta, she is loyal, bubbly and more confident and outgoing. Once someone does gets to know her, they find that she is also laid back, kind, caring and gentle. She hopes to overcome her shyness and make friends at school.

Kaori is mad about sports even though she can't participate very well. She is often found either reading sports mangas or watching sport on tv with her close friends and her dad. Kaori has inherited a love of sport from her dad, who is a massive sports fan. She is also a bright girl but can be a bit too laid back when it comes to schoolwork as she simply prefers watching sports or reading sport manga. She also likes listening to music.

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#History ;
Kaori and her twin sister Aya were born prematurely to parents Akemi and Haru on a warm summer's day in Hikarizaka hospital. Kaori was the smaller of the twins weighing in at 1lb 3ozs, whilst Aya weighed in at 2lbs. Whilst Aya made good, steady progress, Kaori struggled with recurrent attacks of infections and acute bronchitis. By the time they were three months old, Aya was well enough to come home but Kaori had to remain in hospital for another month. Once they were both home, Aya continued to progress well, hitting all the normal childhood milestones, Kaori was slower to progress and more prone to chest infections and acute bronchitis than her healthier sister. Although she was slower to develop, and weaker in health, Kaori had a happy childhood alongside her sister who looked out for and protected her and whom she was very close to, doing all the things a normal child would do and getting into the usual childhood scrapes in spite of this.

Both Kaori and Aya showed signs of being bright from an early age, they spoke their first words at 15 months and by the time they were six years old, they were reading books meant for nine year olds. Once Kaori had started school, she quickly blossomed further, although when it came to sport, being prone to chest infections and acute bronchitis hindered her a lot. By the time she was sixteen, Kaori was really enjoying school life even though there was only Ryota and Yuuta who came up from middle school with her. The other close friends she had have now graduated but she still sees them regularly. Kaori really enjoys being around her crush and childhood friend Yuuta, he seems to bring her confidence out more when she is with him.

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The Roleplayer's Corner

#Nickname ; Sarah-Louise or S-L

#Age ; 25

#Gender ; Female

#Seen the anime/played the visual novel? ; Seen the anime and have the manga.

#How did you find us? ; Typed in 'Clannad rpg' on google and directed to the rpg directory site and clicked on the link

#Sample RP ;
Kaori walked along the path to school, lost in her own thoughts. It was a beautiful sunny day and the cherry blossoms were gently swaying in the breeze. Suddenly she heard her name being called and looked up to see Yuuta jumping up and down and waving his hands like mad. Kaori chuckled to herself and quickened her pace, upon reaching him, she said " Hi Yuuta, what's up?" Yuuta clasped his hands together and said "Have you finished the English homework due for today and can I copy it?, please I'm begging you." Kaori looked at him for a moment, then with a grin and a slight shake of the head replied "Geez you're hopless. Sure you can copy it, only this once mind. I'll give it to you in homeroom." Yuuta said "Thank you, you're the best." Kaori blushing slightly at the comment replied "No problem" with a smile.
I will create Aya, Ryota and her crush Yuuta at a later date.
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[Sakagami Tomoyo]

Hi there, S-L! Welcome to our great big dango family. Let’s take a look at your app, shall we?

Kaori’s past is extremely traumatic. Trauma makes for drama, but please know that an interesting character doesn’t need to have a super traumatic past. In fact, the most interesting characters are the ones who lead normal lives. I’m just worried that your character exhibits signs of being a Mary-Sue with her overly tragic past. Her mother died when she was young. She was raped at 16. Two weeks later, her father and sister, the only family she had left, were killed in an accident while she was left critically injured.

In your sample, it doesn’t look like your character’s tragic past has affected her much at all. You say the following,
“Kaori was thinking about many things including the events that had happened in the last year. She was also thinking about Yuuta and confessing to him.”

You then go on to say she chuckled upon seeing him. If she was thinking about all the events that happened in the last year, don’t you think she’d feel depressed? Would she really chuckle and smile at him, and ask him about his English homework?

I’m just saying that you’ll need to have the effects of her past play a more important role in who she is. Her past shouldn’t just be mentioned at various points through your posts, but they should effect her state of mind, her emotions, and her actions.

When it comes to tragic pasts, the tragedies need to leave a lasting impact on the character. After being raped and having the people closest to her die in an accident, I think Kaori would have things that are more important on her mind other than asking her crush out and being afraid of Lorries. Ultimately, you’ll need to show the effects of these events in your RP posts. Right now, your sample doesn’t reflect her trauma. It may be easier to make her past less traumatic, which I highly recommend. Like I said earlier, sometimes the most interesting characters are the ones who lead normal lives. They’re easier to relate to, and their conflicts can be more meaningful and character-driven than a character whose conflicts rest mostly in a tragic past. : ) If you need any help, don’t hesitate to PM one of us staff members!

[kaori789]

Ok I have taken out the rape section, as looking back I think that was a bit much for Kaori and have modified bits of rp sample, history and personality. If there is anything else, let me know

[Densetsu Karu]

I believe you're overlooking the main point of Celena's post.

The problem is not so much the fact that your character has a dramatic past, but rather that her dramatic past isn't reflecting well enough in her character. Events like these (rape, accidents, etc) are powerful-- they change how a person thinks and how a person behaves. Trauma affects the very core of your character. Most of the time it's not as easy as "time will heal all." Even if there is any resolve, the incident stays with you forever.

Personally, I don't see any of Kaori's past within her character. If I were to read your sample RP apart from the rest of the app, it would not seem like the point of view of a girl who lost her family recently.

What exactly are you intending to accomplish with these elements? I'm certain the effects you desire in your character can be achieved without going into the scarred-character route. If you want a uneasy-in-social-situations-type person, you can still make them "naturally" shy-- a lot of people in the world are shy without having a dramatic past.

Anyways, I've gone off long enough. Good luck with your editing~

[kaori789]

Umm I am struggling a bit with the history and rp sample. Could you look and suggest anything that I could put to improve the history and to help me with the rp sample. Thankyou for your help so far I really appreicate it.

[Sakagami Tomoyo]

Thanks for making those edits, Sarah-Louise! The character-building process is crucial because it sets the framework for your roleplaying experience as Kaori. You can always come back and edit your character profile at any time; just inform the staff if you're making any big changes.

When I look at your RP sample, I see there are things you can improve on. My comments are in blue.

Kaori walked along the path to school, lost in her own thoughts. What is she thinking about? If you're saying she's lost in her thoughts, as a reader, I'm expecting those thoughts are important to know. If they're not, you can still say what she's thinking about. It was a beautiful sunny day and the cherry blossoms were gently swaying in the breeze. You can let the reader know that it's a beautiful day without stating it outright. This is an opportunity to paint a vivid image for the reader. Ex; The sun sat high in the clear blue sky, and the cherry blossoms were gently swaying in the breeze. Suddenly she heard her name being called and looked up to see Yuuta jumping up and down and waving his hands like mad. This is cute! : ) Describing actions is always a good idea! When you're RPing with someone, you might need to explain who Yuuta is. For the first time, anyway. Just a sentence or two is fine. Not everyone will have read your app. Kaori chuckled to herself and quickened her pace, upon reaching him, she said " Hi Yuuta, what's up?"
Space out different speakers by creating a new paragraph.

Yuuta clasped his hands together and said, "Have you finished the English homework due for today and can I copy it? Please I'm begging you."

Kaori looked at him for a moment, then with a grin and a slight shake of the head replied, "Geez you're hopless. Sure you can copy it, only this once mind. I'll give it to you in homeroom."

Yuuta said, "Thank you, you're the best."

Kaori, blushing slightly at the comment, replied, "No problem" with a smile.

Those are just a few tips, but I'll be happy to help you along as you RP! Overall, work on using your writing as a tool to expand on Kaori's story and to interact with other characters. Paint vivid pictures for your readers, and capture Kaori's personality through your words.