Sitting Alone, Together

[Nakamura Hanako]

Date: April 21st, 2003

Lunch time. 

Hanako shifted from one foot to another, holding her bento box in her hand. The smells of all the different food mixed together in a really disgusting way that made her feel even more uncomfortable. It was also a bit too loud for her tastes. Her sensory issues weren't as bad as usual, so she could deal with it. But she would still prefer it to be more quiet. 

Worst of all, she couldn't find anywhere to sit. No matter where she looked, the tables seemed to be full of people. They were all so loud, yelling over each other and playfully pushing each other around. She could deal with the loudness from here, but there was no way that she could actually sit with them. 

Her eyes scanned the crowd, desperately trying to find a mostly empty table. There had to be at least one table where only a few people were seated, right? There was no way that all of the tables were full. Her legs were beginning to hurt for standing there for so long. She needed to sit down soon. 

Her eyes finally snagged onto a table where only one person was sitting. She didn't recognize the person, but that didn't quite matter at the moment. She approached the person, trying (and failing) to block out all of the noises. As she approached them, she bowed at the waist, her glasses slipping down her nose. "Hello, I'm Nakamura Hanako."


She raised herself from the bow and gave a hesitant, nervous smile. "Would it be alright if I sat with you?"

[Densetsu Karu]

The second week of school. Oh, how he already hated it. Everyone's time there was dictated by the school's schedule. Like a prison. It was incredibly monotonous. Every moment that he spent at this teen prison felt like a waste of time. Although, if he was being honest and fair with his judgements, everything felt like a waste of time, but at least the time wasted outside of school was time wasted of his own volition! Oh, the eternal woe of having your time wasted against your will!

...By the gods, it was loud. He may as well just eat in the courtyard next time. It was difficult to concentrate on being an insufferable pessimist over the sound of the cafeteria. Dozens of machines, fellow first-years and upperclassmen, droned on in the background. Everywhere he went, the machines moved about in their life schedules, oblivious to the manifestation of human despair that was Densetsu Karu walking among them. Sure, there were a few real people who were indistinguishable among the machines. Somewhere in the crowds was Yasuda Erina, the girl he had met the day before, likely relieving some poor sap of his hard-won lunch, his only badge of honour in the war that is ordering lunch at Hikarizaka High School cafeteria.

Again with the cheesy melodrama. Lately Karu had been catching himself romanticizing his own cynicism. It was a decidedly worrying and embarrassing form of coping, but at least no one could read his thoughts.

“Hello, I'm Nakamura Hanako.”

He blinked, caught off guard by the sudden voice that had wormed its way into his personal space. He turned his head to the source of the voice, a petite girl with short orangish hair bowing at the waist in his direction. Oh, that's... a bit much. A submissive personality, perhaps? Then he noticed the first-year patch on her uniform and it suddenly made sense. She was new to this whole high school thing and was likely worried about offending others at teen prison. Already the specter of reputation was looming over her, and she had given in to it. So, a weak person, in summary.

After perhaps holding the pose for a bit longer than Karu felt was necessary, the girl ended her bow. “Would it be alright if I sat with you?” The words were accompanied by a nervous smile. Her glasses had slipped down her nose slightly, causing the frames to tilt asymmetrically. She looked like a fool. Her request was also foolish. Don't ask inane questions. Just sit down. Did he look like he was going to use all of the space at this table alone?

...But he kept in those vitriolic thoughts. She had not slighted him yet, so he had no reason to be rude. Plus, she was a fellow first-year, which triggered some form of presumptive camaraderie in his monkey brain, which he quietly admonished, but the feeling would not dissipate. Karu quickly gave up, deciding to satisfy the monkey brain this time. He could just pretend she wasn't there, after all.

“Go ahead,” he said, gesturing at the spot catty-corner to his own. He stared with a blank expression, waiting for her to sit down. Once she did, he could return to his lunch in peace.

[Nakamura Hanako]

"Thank you." Hanako gave the boy another smile -- this time, it was less hesitant. She was beginning to feel a little more confident due to that successful little social interaction. However, she was still slightly nervous. Something about this boy frightened her. He didn't seem to be the most pleasant person. He was the most quiet though, so she supposed she would have to deal with it. 

She sat down and bit into her lunch. Almost immediately, it got stuck between her teeth. Normally Hanako wouldn't mind and just go to the bathroom to fix it, but with all the other sensory stuff happening around her she began to panic. The food was wedged between her teeth and it was hurting and and and --

She took a deep breath. No. She could not have a meltdown at school. That would be the most embarrassing thing to ever happen. If that happened, everybody would think she was a freak. She would be ridiculed and bullied for her entire high school life. Nobody would want to be friends with her. 

She made to stand up and leave for the bathroom, but she moved too quickly and her chopsticks clattered to the ground. Quivering with anxiety, she picked them up and shoved them back onto the table, tears glistening in the corner of her eyes. "I-I'm sorry." her voice was shaky. It was very obvious that she was on the verge of crying. 

Hanako sat back down, not bothering to leave for the bathroom. There was absolutely no way she would be able to make her way to the bathroom without becoming even more overwhelmed than she already was. Instead, she just closed her eyes and covered her ears, looking down. It helped with the brightness and noise a bit, but she was still anxious and overwhelmed and everything was still bad. 

[Densetsu Karu]

With a hushed thanks and a relieved smile, the girl settled into her seat. Karu watched her for a moment, trying to get a read on her. He noted how carefully she held herself, which lined up with the submissive personality he had imagined for her. As she placed down her bento box and began to open it, he turned away, satisfied that she would not be a bother to him. Instead, he focused on his own food, trying to finish his meal quickly so that he could leave the cafeteria. The food was probably delicious, but the flavours were muted by his disinterest in eating. He was only eating his lunch as a "formality". It was, after all, something his body needed to sustain itself. Even though he barely felt hungry these days, he needed to keep up his strength. For some reason. He was not motivated by the thought of his health, but by the constant drain of energy that was his life. Dealing with the machines every day took its toll on him, and he needed to recharge himself if he wanted to remain in relative comfort.

He was pulled out of his thoughts, once again, by sudden movement in his peripheral vision and a thwump as the girl sharing his table shot out of her chair and banged against the table. The sound was followed by a light clacking as her chopsticks fell to the ground. Just as quickly as she had gotten up, she crouched down to retrieve her chopsticks and shoved them back onto the table. She stood there for a moment, head held low, but then she spoke. “I-I'm sorry,” she said, her voice cracking. A familiar sound. He could tell that she was holding back tears.

She returned to her seat. Then, to Karu's surprise, the girl placed her hands over her ears and shut her eyes, blocking out the world around her. Was she embarrassed? Certainly, some of the students at nearby tables had turned their heads, called to attention by the sound, but they had just as quickly lost interest and turned away. Really, the girl had no reason to make such a big deal over the accident. People knock things over. It was clumsy, but by no means was it a moral failing on her part.

He watched her for a moment, waiting to see what she would do next, but she just sat there. Unmoving. Locked inside of herself by her own admission. It reminded him of a spooked turtle hiding in its shell. It also reminded him of... well, himself, in some strange, esoteric way. He was not as weak as her, but he was just as used to shutting out the World of Machines. The difference was in how they each accomplished this goal; she would hide in her shell, but he would wear a mask of annoyance and impatience, intimidating the world so that it would not bother him. Like a goose, or a honey badger.

It was that realization of similarity that, in spite of himself, planted a seed of compassion in Karu. Automatically, he slid down the bench of his side of the table so that he was across from the girl. Then, he realized he was getting involved with her for the sake of pointless sentimentality, and he admonished himself for acting without thinking. Nevertheless, it was too late. He had already positioned himself across from her, so to go back now would be foolish and perhaps even a bit too cruel, even for Karu. So, he leaned forward in his seat, and said softly, “It's fine. I am not bothered.”

It felt like the wrong thing to say, but he had no prior experience with turtles to draw from.

[Nakamura Hanako]

Hanako slowly took her hands off of her ears and opened her eyes. It had quieted down quite a bit, due to a majority of people already having finished their lunches and left. The lights were still overwhelming, but she no longer had to curl up into a little ball and block out the entire world. 

She looked up at the boy with tear-filled eyes. He...wasn't annoyed with her? But people were always annoyed with her when she did things like this. They would tell her that she was overreacting, that it wasn't a big deal and she was just acting this way for attention. 

But this boy didn't even seem remotely annoyed or upset with her. A little confused, maybe. But who wouldn't be? After all, he had no idea what was going on in her head. He didn't know about her sensory issues and how everything was just too much for her. All he knew was that this strange girl had blocked out everything for seemingly no reason. 

And yet, even though he didn't know what was going on, he seemed to be almost empathetic towards her. Or maybe it was compassion, and not empathy? She wasn't quite sure. Either way, she felt immensely grateful to this boy for not snapping at her or telling her that she was overreacting. 

"Thank you," she said. It was probably a strange thing to say. The boy might not even know what she was thanking him for, but she felt the need to say it. She also felt the need to explain herself for acting this way, for reasons she couldn't quite explain. Perhaps it was because she wanted him to know that there was a legitimate reason for her acting this way, and that she wasn't just a freak. 

"I know it may seem ridiculous for me to react so strongly, but...I have a condition that makes me really sensitive to things like noise and brightness. And it's just...well, it's too much in here. I couldn't handle it..."  

Condition. Yes, that was a good word to use. She tended to avoid using the words autism or disability when speaking about it, even though that's exactly what it was. She wasn't ashamed of being autistic, of course. But she knew how much of a taboo those kind of topics were, so she wouldn't use those words at all if possible. Well, unless he asked what her condition was. Then she would tell him, but only because she disliked lying to people. 

Hanako paused for a moment after her explanation, suddenly realizing something. She had no idea what this boy's name was. He had never introduced himself to her. "Oh, um, what's your name?" she asked. Was that a rude question? She hoped not. She sometimes had difficulty understanding what questions were rude or not, so she was never sure. 

[Densetsu Karu]

Even after his words of comfort, the girl remained in her shell for some time. Nearby students were finishing up their lunches and gradually vacating the tables around them. He watched her, silently, not really sure what to say. Perhaps his words had not been enough. He didn't know why she was locking out the world, but on some level he understood that desire. All he could give her was time. Thus, he stopped leaning over the table, resigning himself to sitting silently and patiently. It felt strange and alien to be sitting across from someone in the cafeteria for once.

It was not long before her head raised, fixing him with a look of confusion. Her eyes were filled with tears, some even streaming down her face. His stomach churned, some part of him upset by her expression but he had not the words to express the feelings that her tear-filled face invoked in him. She thanked him. He wondered, what for? He hadn't done anything. His concern, perhaps? A stranger's compassion might've truly been a rare occurrence in her life, the poor thing. Of course. Everyone was living in their own world. Nobody had time to look outside and see the struggles of those around them. The feelings in his gut coalesced into a sharp anger. Anger at the world that had done this to her; destroyed this girl like it had so many others.

Oh no, he was being melodramatic again. Confound it all. The only solace he had was that he was the only one who would have to bear witness to his internal theatrics. The world would not be able to laugh at his failings this time.

“I know it may seem ridiculous for me to react so strongly, but...I have a condition that makes me really sensitive to things like noise and brightness. And it's just...well, it's too much in here. I couldn't handle it...”

He sat quietly, made simple eye contact, and nodded occasionally as she spoke, trying to signal that he was listening to her. She had a condition? Okay. He wasn't quite sure what she meant by that, but he felt apprehensive about asking for more information. In truth, he didn't want to invest time and energy into listening to her sob story or try to understand her. As far as he was concerned, the extent of their interaction should have ended the moment that he had answered her question about sitting down. The only reason he had spoken to her after that point was out of that strange, deep-rooted compassion, if he could call it that, that was the driving force behind most of the stupid things he had ever done. He didn't need, or want, to get involved in her life.

“Oh, um, what's your name?”

Ah, but it was never so easy. His punishment for his grand heroic act of showing her some concern was having to exchange names. Well, she had already given hers, but now he would have to remember it. Bothersome. As much as he hated to admit it, it was clear that the spark of curiosity and compassion somewhere in him was running the show. If she were just one of his classmates or teachers, it would be easy for him to stay away. Something about her was cutting through his defenses, which concerned him. As soon as he could make a natural exit, he decided, he would leave. Which meant that he needed to hurry up and finish his lunch.

“Densetsu Karu. Class 1-B,” he said robotically, not even bothering to put any emotion into his voice. He resumed his lunch, quietly plucking a tiny onigiri out of his bento box with his chopsticks and placing it into his mouth. Realizing her eyes were still on him, he swallowed and tried to distract her with some topic. “I suppose that makes us fellow first years,” he said, smiling. Perhaps a smile was all she needed.

...Ah, but that was just an observation, not a topic. Maybe he could use something that the machines would typically ask him when they couldn't figure out how to relate to him. Because he couldn't figure out how to relate to her. “How are you finding it at this school so far?” he asked, trying to sound earnest. He grinned widely, closing his eyes to complete the picture. It was a boring question, but whatever. It would do.

[Nakamura Hanako]

"It's nice to meet you." Hanako said. She opened her mouth to continue speaking, as he had said something else -- something about them both being first years. But he asked her a question about how she found the school so far before she could say anything.

Hanako thought about this for a moment. How was she finding this school so far? Well, it wasn't completely awful. She would definitely rather be at home than at this place. This loud, confusing, and bright place. But it was better than her old school. She wasn't being bullied nearly as badly. Some people looked at her weirdly when she did things that were considered "strange", but at least they didn't write cruel things on her desk or rip up her books. 

"Well, it isn't as bad as my old school, but...to be honest, I don't like it here all that much," she said, blunt as ever. It was the truth, after all. She saw no point in lying to Densetsu. Besides, she couldn't lie -- it was physically painful for her to do so. Whenever she did, her skin crawled and she felt as if she was going to throw up. So she tried to avoid lying unless absolutely necessary. 

"What about you?" she tilted her head curiously, offering a soft and warm smile. "How do you like this school, Densetsu-san?" 

[Densetsu Karu]

She answered him bluntly, without apology. She didn't like the school. He nodded with understanding. He, of course, didn't like this school either. Not out of a personal vendetta against Hikarizaka Private High School, but out of a general distaste for the institution of school itself. It was, as he had decided earlier, a teen prison. A daycare to distract the youth of tomorrow, with their little understanding of societal norms, from upsetting the balance of the world. He was glad that she didn't like the school. Any reason one could offer for justification of liking school was a lie one told to feel better about being forced to go.

Not Karu. He would not lie. School was not fun, school was not teaching him anything valuable, and school was not helping him socialize. All school accomplished was keeping him and others like him away from the general society for a little longer, while they iron out the rebelliousness of youth and he can finally graduate and enter the World of Machines to become another wage slave. But, bombarding her with all of that would be too much for someone he had just met, so he gave her a short, sweeter answer.

“Honestly, I find it to be a waste of time. We could all be doing something better,” he said, pausing to eat another tiny onigiri from his lunch. “But, you know how it is. We're young so that means we have to listen to what the grownups say.” He layered his words with sarcasm. He disapproved of the tyranny that people older than him held over him and people his age. Perhaps "grownups" was a bit of a childish way to refer to his elders, but "adult" seemed too dignified for this context. He did not owe the overlords of his life any dignity or respect, and he especially would not provide them any when they were not even around to collect it.

He sat there silently for a bit, trying to think of another topic to pivot to, but his mind wandered into distraction territory, as he realized again that he could not remember her name. It was probably best if he remembered it soon, before the conversation ended. Na... Naka... bah, maybe he could get away with not using her name this time, and he would remember later. This is what he got for not paying enough attention when she introduced herself in the first place.

“So, you came here alone,” he said, glancing away and tapping his chin absently. His gaze returned to her eyes and he smiled. “Do you have any friends? At this school, I mean. Or maybe some cool classmates?” Was he overstepping? Probably. Did he care? Not really. Whether or not she wanted to answer was up to her. He was curious if a lack of friendships at school was the source of her nervousness and seemingly submissive nature. It would also explain why he sought out her table, rather than sharing one with some of her classmates or something. He couldn't really use the information to his own benefit in any way, but he was bored. He wanted to finish his lunch and didn't want to sit in awkward silence. So, the question would do.

[Nakamura Hanako]

Hanako nodded thoughtfully, mulling his words over in her mind. So Densetsu found school to be a waste of time? That was certainly an interesting perspective, one that she actually agreed with. It hadn't occurred to her until now, but she also found school to be pointless. There were definitely better, more fulfilling things someone could be doing with their time.

He also seemed to have a distaste for how adults decided everything, and the children just had to shut up and listen without complaint because it was respectful to do so. She also agreed with that. Hanako had no problem with treating adults with respect, but only if they treated her with respect as well. After all, the phrase "you have to give respect to get respect" existed for a reason. 

"So you came here alone," Densetsu said, glancing away. He seemed to be thinking about something. He eventually looked back at her, smiling. "Do you have any friends? At this school, I mean. Or maybe some cool classmates?" 

Hanako blinked. Did she have any friends? Of course not. Who would want to be friends with her? She was a freak. She was that weird girl who moved around too much, who refused to wear things because "it feels bad on my skin", who got upset too easily and couldn't take a joke. Nobody wanted to be friends with her. 

"Course not," she said, looking back at him. "Nobody wants to be friends with a retard." 

Hanako didn't say these words as if she were upset by them. Her voice was serious and void of any emotion, as if she was simply reading from a dictionary or something like that. She said them as if they were a fact -- because that's exactly what they were. A fact. The sky is blue, water is wet, grass is green, and Nakumara Hanako was a retard. Indisputable fact, plain and simple. 

"What about you? Do you have any friends?" she asked. He seemed to be a loner, seeing as he was sitting alone. But it wouldn't hurt to ask. 

[Densetsu Karu]

Her words hit him like a truck.

To be so blunt, so blatant... he was almost sure that he had misheard her, no, he hoped he had, but there were no replacement words that would make sense. His mask cracked. Even with his practice in hiding his emotions, he was not able to resist wincing at her bluntness. It was a visceral, instinctive reaction not only to the word itself, but her sour tone as she said it. There was history in the way that she had said it. History he did not know or understand. History that was beyond him.

For a moment, Karu felt a kinship with this strange girl. Granted, they had their differences. Her condition, whatever it was, being one. He would never break down in public like that. He wasn't as submissive as she seemed around strangers, either. However, she definitely had her own share of suffering at the hands of machines. Just like him. That was, in spite of their differences, the reason for these feelings of kinship that he had. The enemy of my enemy is my friend. But he couldn't express that. He couldn't tell her, “oh, we're the same,” because that would be silly to say. That would be too personal. Too much. His mask must be preserved. She didn't need to know about his life.

His mind returned to the present situation. He hadn't the slightest clue of how to respond to what she had said. Hers was likely a sad tale. To use such harsh language about herself, in an almost resigned fashion, as if she had been called that herself at one point in time. It was too much. Just too much. How does one respond to that? A small panic began to rise in him. He didn't know what to say, and he didn't want to hurt her. For once, he was speechless.

...

No. He shoved down that panic, deep into his heart, never to see the light of day. His mask had already cracked. He mustn't let her see his true face. He had to say something, even if it was insensitive. Just as he decided this, to his luck, she spoke.

“What about you? Do you have any friends?”

She... she had moved on. She had dropped that line and then continued like nothing had happened. Karu's mind was racing. Was her statement really so nonchalant? Did she think that... that word was an indisputable piece of her life? Did she truly believe that she, Nakamura Hanako was retarded?

Oh.

He had remembered her name.

Suddenly, he stood up, overcome with emotion. He narrowed his eyes at her, not really sure what to say. Nobody wants to be friends with a retard. The words echoed in his mind. He felt angry at them. He wanted to verbally lash out at her for what she had just said. To punish her for making him feel so many things at once. To get back at her for upsetting the careful balance of emotions he had worked so hard to cultivate. To make her regret asking to share his table. If he was a lesser being, he would have given in to these urges, but he was Densetsu Karu! He was not a machine. He would not be a machine!

So he held in that destructive urge, and instead, said what felt right.

“Don't call yourself that,” he said gruffly, raising his voice slightly. Then, he looked away, his tone softening. “Be... be nicer to yourself.” The words in his mind quieted down after that. He found himself unable to speak again.

[Nakamura Hanako]

Densetsu stood up, so suddenly that it caused Hanako to pull back in surprise. His eyes narrowed — in annoyance, maybe? Or suspicion? Narrowed eyes could mean many things. She tried to think about what this reaction was, but he spoke before she could start thinking very deeply about it. 

"Don't call yourself that." He raised his voice slightly, as if he was scolding her for something. Then he looked away, avoiding her gaze. When he spoke again, his tone was softer. "Be... be nicer to yourself." 

Hanako blinked, surprised by his words. What did it matter if she was nicer to herself? It wasn't affecting him in any way. All it affected was her own self esteem and image of herself, both of which had never been good in the first place. And besides, everybody else called her a retard. It really wasn't a big deal. 

Not only that, but she couldn't be kinder to herself. If she was, she expected others to be kind too. That only ended in disappointment. If she was mean to herself, other peoples' kindness was a pleasant surprise and other peoples' cruelty didn't affect her as much. She much preferred it that way. 

"But if I'm mean to myself, it hurts less when others are mean to me," she said. She hoped he saw her logic. Not all people did. When she told her old therapist that, he had just frowned and told her that was unhealthy. Hanako couldn't understand how it was unhealthy, even mentally. Her mental health was perfectly fine. "But alright, I won't call myself a retard anymore. I'm sorry I upset you."

[Densetsu Karu]

He stood there quietly, avoiding her gaze as she puzzled through what he had just said. The adrenaline he had felt was slowly ebbing away, and the world was beginning to make sense again. His filters were returning. His mask, cracked only moment ago, was repairing itself. In a few moments Karu knew he would be back to his closed off self. He welcomed that feeling. He did not like being surprised. He did not like running on adrenaline. To him, the best form of himself was one that adhered to his quiet, observant calculations.

Unfortunately, the world was not so cerebral that he could plan out his every move like a game of go. Sometimes his actions were under the governance of adrenaline. That ridiculous hormone that makes one do stupid things. It may have served well for humanity's ancestors in the wilderness, but these days it was a nuisance. One of the many things that turned humans into machines. Blessed are those who can control their primal urges, such as he.

“But if I'm mean to myself, it hurts less when others are mean to me,” Nakamura finally said. He turned to her, his expression blank. “But alright, I won't call myself a retard anymore. I'm sorry I upset you.”

Upset him... yes, he would have to admit that that was the case. There was no way to deny that he had been upset at her words. Upset at what, exactly? Why had he let himself get so carried away? Did her words of self-deprecation really cut through him so easily? He felt concerned by this apparent hole in his defenses. He would have to try harder to close out the world. Maybe he shouldn't have let her sit with him after all. Well, he decided, there was no way to change the past, so he needed to deal with the consequences of his outburst without making a further fool of himself.

“Apology accepted,” he said, nodding thoughtfully at her. He doubted that her promise came from a place of sincerity. She had probably just said that to appease him. He turned his attention to her previous statement. “And what you said before is true. However, speaking that way about yourself will also invite people to do the same. Because if you don't have a problem with it, they won't think it's a problem.”

He instinctively glanced up at the clock on the cafeteria wall. “Ah, it's almost time for class.” Time had escaped him, somehow. He turned down at the table and began to close up his bento box. He would have to finish his lunch later, if he finished it at all. The adrenaline had unfortunately robbed him of his appetite. Once he had everything packed up and in hand, he extracted himself from the table. He turned to her again.

“It was nice to meet you, Nakamura-san,” he said, bowing his head for a moment, mirroring how she had introduced herself previously, except not for as long or as deep. As his gaze met her eyes again, he decided to leave her with some parting wisdom. “It's a terrible world out there. If you don't stand up for yourself, nobody will.” Then he left. Back to class.

He wasn't completely sure he believed his own last words to her even as he uttered them. After all, he had just stood up for her... but that was because he was not normal. Most of the machines of this school would probably have laughed off her display, or gotten personally mad at her for troubling them with it. Possibly even agree with her.

Maybe that "Legendary Hero" moniker Yasuda had given him wasn't entirely off.

No. Nevermind. He was not a hero. He was not a machine either. He was a nobody. A nobody who just happened to have a compassion problem, much to Nakamura's good fortune. Had she had her breakdown with anyone else in this school, would they have shown compassion? He couldn't answer that question. As Densetsu Karu reached his classroom of 1-B, stepping inside, he donned the mask once more. No trace of his outburst with Nakamura remained on his face or demeanor. That side of him would live on exclusively in Nakamura's and his shared memories. For that reason, he realized, they held a personal connection that he did not share with just anyone. The thought was concerning, but a small seed of comfort germinated within him.

That comfort came from the thought that there were others at this school like him. Others who did not thrive in this world of machines. Others who did not join the machines to avoid their ridicule.

He felt comforted because he was not alone.

[Nakamura Hanako]

"Apology accepted," Densetsu said, nodding thoughtfully at her. He was silent for a moment, seemingly thinking about something. "And what you said before was true." 

What exactly, Hanako wondered? She had said a lot of things before. It definitely wasn't the part about being a retard, because Densetsu obviously had a problem with that. If he also thought that it was true, he wouldn't have reacted so strongly about it. Well, maybe he would. She didn't know. 

"However, speaking that way about yourself will also invite people to do the same. Because if you don't have a problem with it, they won't think it's a problem." 

But...it wasn't a problem. Hanako truly didn't care. Everybody called her a retard — teachers, classmates, family members. Hell, even random people on the street called her that sometimes. It used to hurt. It hurt a lot. She remembered how she would come home crying about that word, claiming how everybody who used it should just die. But now it was just a word. A word that had been used so much that it held no meaning anymore. She honestly couldn't see the big deal

But if it would make Densetsu happy, she would stop doing it. She would stop acting so harshly towards herself, calling herself retarded or making fun of herself over every little mistake that she made. But this would be very difficult. After all, she had doing this since middle school. She couldn't just change her mindset overnight, but she would really try her best. 

It was a few minutes before Hanako realized that Densetsu had been speaking, as she'd been lost in her own thoughts. When she snapped her attention back to him, he was bowing just as she had earlier. Well, his bow wasn't as long or deep. "It was nice to meet you, Nakamura-san," he said. He met her eyes again, and despite the discomfort that eye contact caused her, she tried her best to look back. "It's a terrible world out there. If you don't stand up for yourself, nobody will." 


And then he left, leaving Hanako to ponder his words. She thought this was a bit untrue. After all, hadn't he stood up for just a few minutes ago? Her mother stood up for her a lot, too. But in a way, he was also correct. There were many people who would just mock or laugh at her. Besides, she couldn't always depend on others to stick up for her, even when they were willing to. 

Hanako looked up at the clock. Ah, lunch was nearly over. If she didn't pack up now, she would be late for class. She had hardly eaten anything, but that was okay. She could always finish her lunch when she got back home. She hadn't even really been that hungry, anyway. 

As Hanako walked to class, a small smile graced her lips. Densetsu was a strange person. He was somewhat hard to decipher. She already had enough trouble understanding other peoples' emotions, but with him it was even harder. She couldn't exactly pinpoint why it was harder, but it was.

And yet, he had still been easy to talk to. When she conversed with him, it hadn't felt awkward or forced like it usually did when she was shoved into social situations. In fact, she actually...liked talking to him. What a strange feeling. She was so used to feeling dread after any sort of social interaction, so this was very weird for her. 

She liked Densetsu, she decided. Perhaps she would sit with him again.