Invisible

[Densetsu Karu]

The following takes place on May 18, 2003, at 1:51 PM.

It was Sunday. Most people were out and about with friends and family, going shopping or enjoying a small cafe. For Densetsu Karu, there was no such enjoyment. Sunday merely marked a day not run by routine. A long day, in which he had no distractions. It was endless, week in, week out. A continuous search for distraction, for a way out. To escape the repeating boredom and depression that came when he was unoccupied.

What about his friends? Couldn't he spend time with them? Unfortunately, the very few people he could loosely define as his "friends" were unreachable. Karu had no means to contact them, having only known them during school. Additionally, he was so unused to the concept that he couldn't be sure on how to go about such arrangements.

Alas. In his utmost bored state, the one thing he decided to do was walk and observe. Silently, like a phantom, he drifted along the shopping district of Hikarizaka. (Technically, it was more a limp rather than a phantom-like drift. This was caused by an injury he had sustained two days earlier, which was a story for another time.) He watched, with a heaviness in his heart, other people. It felt like he was not really there, only an observer. Men, women, boys, girls, couples, groups, parties, families; he saw them all. There were also people who were alone. Like him, but not truly like him.

Despite what he felt, Karu wasn't really alone. Always, following him to each and every corner, stalking him down each road and building, forever hovering over him like some sickened spirit, was Fate. He was struggling with the entity known as "Fate." Before, he did not believe in it, but now now was unsure. Was there any other way to explain the random, coordinated, chaotic, perfect pattern that his life followed?

Or maybe, he had been cursed? Cursed by his terrible enemy and friend, the one who had caused his sister's accident. No... he mustn't recall this at this time... this was not the time to regret... The avalanche of familiar feelings and memories collapsed onto him. He bore the heavy weight of his suffering. Karu came to a complete stop, in front of a toy store, staring through the window but not really seeing it. An urge to smash that window came to him. A cold smile played on his features, and his fingers balled into a fist. Karu noticed neither of these things, as though he wasn't really there. Technically, he wasn't.

He was invisible.

[Sakagami Tomoyo]

Sakagami Tomoyo
______________________________________________________

It was Sunday, the only day out of the week of which Tomoyo could finally have time to herself, free of responsibilities. As much as she would have loved to characterize herself as a person who "works hard, plays hard," lying was never one of her strengths. Working hard was a given, but playing hard was an entirely different story. In her simple light blouse and her flowy tangerine skirt, it was clear she had no intentions of causing playful trouble like many teenagers her age loved to do. Her wardrobe was almost entirely devoid of short shorts and low cut halter-tops, and no matter how often her eyes wandered longingly to the pretty mannequins in the windows wearing cute and suggestive outfits, she couldn't even begin to picture herself in any of them.

Needless to say, she spent her free afternoon shopping, although she held absolutely nothing in her hand -- no shopping bags, no purchases. Tomoyo was a frugal girl who rarely spent her money on clothing, and yet she could never discover the reasons why she always seemed to be financially lacking.

Perhaps it was because she could never walk by and ignore the adorable stuffed animals sitting on the windowsills of toy stores, beckoning for her with their lonely eyes.

So cute...

Tomoyo found herself staring right back at them, her admiring eyes locked on one particularly fluffy teddy bear with a plump tummy and an oversized head which looked awfully difficult to balance with.

She must have been staring at it for a good whole minute before she finally shook her head and ended her little staring contest. She didn't need any more stuffed animals; in fact, she doubted she needed them at all. Her closets were already becoming crowded with animals she'd collected over the years, and with a long regretful sigh, she pried her attention away from the window and continued on her way, only to stop again, not even three steps past where she'd stopped.

Standing there was a teenage boy who looked her age or younger. Though she only viewed him from the side, Tomoyo couldn't shake the vague feeling that she recognized him. She'd nearly missed him; the only reason she paused was because she found it odd that a teenage boy would be staring into a toy store.

And then she remembered. He was the troubled Tokyian boy she'd walked down the hill with two weeks before.

"Good afternoon, Densetsu!" Tomoyo greeted him with a smile, hoping to catch his attention.

Part of her worried for him. When she'd spoken to him last, he struck her as a melancholic boy. She thought of asking him if his life had gotten any better in recent days, but instead, she held her tongue and instead ventured to say, "You look like you're blending in just fine."

He'd at least be able to recall their conversation, right?

"You're alone today?"

[Densetsu Karu]

How long had he been standing there? Minutes? Hours? All form of time was lost. His thoughts swirled around in some lost state. It was a storm within his mind. The strongest feeling... it was regret. Regret sunk into his limbs. His arms shivered at his sides, trying to fight back his emotions.

“Good afternoon, Densetsu!”

The words would have gone unnoticed, if it were not for his name included in them. Instantly, he was awoken from his state of invisibility. It was her voice. Sakagami Tomoyo. A strange combination of warm recognition and hesitant dread sparked in his mental patterns. It was pleasant to hear her, one of the few people he considered worth his time, but on the other hand... she would see him here. Here, in this state? His walls were unprepared. This kind of meeting was pure cha-

Fate.

"You look like you’re blending in just fine.”

Was she joking? ...no, likely not. Was she saying this as an obligatory statement, or was she genuinely seeking confirmation? Regardless, there was no need to over-think it. Finally, his eyes shifted, no longer from the toy store, but to her face. Japanese. Silver hair. Happiness. He studied her appearance (an odd habit he was starting to notice more and more when he talked to people); her pleasant expression was held back by a sense of worry in her eyes.

"No matter how normal I look, even standardized by those obligatory uniforms at school, I always feel like I am in my own private world," he replied, finally. "On that note, without the uniform, you look rather..." he pondered for a descriptive term. "...the formality, the Student Council stuff is stripped away. You look like a normal girl." It was a perfect term to describe his observation... she was normal. Why can't I be normal?

"You're alone today?”

"Tell me," he began, looking into the window of the toy store again. He considered moving on, but he was compelled to remain here. "Is Fate an entity? ...If Fate is an entity, then I am never alone."

"You must be alone today, as well? Are you just saying hello?"

[Sakagami Tomoyo]

Sakagami Tomoyo
______________________________________________________

She must have caught him off guard, for he turned to stare at her with a surprised, watchful, but nonetheless pleasant gaze before formulating any sort of response. Unlike many of the exuberant boys at school, Densetsu radiated a stiller atmosphere like deep, slow moving water.

"No matter how normal I look," he eventually spoke, "even standardized by those obligatory uniforms at school, I always feel like I am in my own world."

Curious, Tomoyo tilted her head to the side. Even more unlike most males at school and even the majority of student body, she'd only known Densetsu to speak solemnly; this second meeting of theirs portrayed him no differently.

Her cherry lips grew thin as the gears in her mind began to turn. It was her duty to ascertain that student life was enjoyable (the responsibility was honestly a bother, but somehow very compelling at the same time), but her concerns for the melancholy underclassman standing before her stretched further than her duty as student council president.

Something about him interested her, be it his foreign nature or his overwhelmingly mysterious, restrained self. Regardless, he was the kind of person who tempted discovery, who you just wanted to talk to for the purpose of learning more about his life.

"On that note," Densetsu continued, "without the uniform, you look rather..." he paused to find the right words while Tomoyo watched him expectantly. "... the formality, the Student Council stuff is stripped away," he said. "You look like a normal girl."

Her brows knitted together. "So, I didn't look like a normal girl otherwise...?" she thought, the slightest hint of indignation present in her sapphire eyes.

No, he hadn't meant it like that. She'd reacted too quickly and had jumped to conclusions. Still, the fact she looked formal at school wasn't the most pleasing thought. Formality was one of the things she wanted to avoid; despite bearing the orange armband of the student council on her upper arm, she wanted to look approachable like anybody else.

The girl decided against commenting and instead, settled on asking him the obligatory question of small talk. Was he alone today? By now he'd broken eye contact and was staring yet again through the old glass window of the toy store, speaking strangely and solemnly of fate.

Tomoyo stood beside him and sighed a long, drawn out sigh through her nostrils. The soft murmured voices of shoppers walking through the streets filled the silence between them. Was he waiting for a reply? How was she supposed to reply to something like that...? Fate as an entity? Him never being alone? However, it soon became clear he hadn't been expecting a comment at all, and instead, he returned the question to her.

This time, she found it impossible to hold her tongue. "... You're such a weird guy," Tomoyo pointed out bluntly.

As interesting as the boy was, he was... annoying? No, that wasn't the word... Perhaps tiring was more suitable. Yes, tiring. It was tiring to talk to him, to listen to his formal, vague way of speaking. She wondered if it was even more draining to be him. What did he do for fun? He always seemed so uptight, but she knew he wasn't. As much as she hated to draw on single, one-time events to characterize a person, it was all she had. He'd kissed a girl at school whom he held no affections for; if that wasn't the complete opposite of "uptight", then she didn't know what it was.

"Anyway," she said, "I've just been enjoying the day off by myself. Since I saw you, I figured it'd be rude if I just walked past you, right?"

"You're too polite. If I were in your position..."

His words earned a smirk from Tomoyo. "Maybe so," she said, but she much preferred being polite over being rude. She turned her head to glance again at the plush bear in the window.

"By the way, what are you doing here at this toy shop?" she asked. "It's all for little kids. Are you buying something for a sibling?"

[Densetsu Karu]

“Anyway, I’ve just been enjoying the day off by myself. Since I saw you, I figured it’d be rude if I just walked past you, right?”

It was rude to not greet your friends... of course, wasn't that common sense? How come it felt like such news to him? “You’re too polite. If I were in your position…” he trailed off, not really sure what he would do. Maybe he'd do just what she had done... ugh, why do I need to over-analyze everything?

"Maybe so," she replied, a smile appearing on her face. It was... gratifying, to make one smile. Her gaze shifted into the window Karu had wanted to destroy. She seemed to be eying something... no, he was just over-thinking again.

“By the way, what are you doing here at this toy shop? It’s all for little kids. Are you buying something for a sibling?”

I wish. It was like dropping a bomb. So sudden, so deadly. His heart was stabbed by a thousand tiny knives at her words. An ocean of regret washed against him. It was pain. I wish. Pain, to be with his sister again; to have that chance to buy her something. I wish. Violent anger rushed to him. Why must Sakagami remind of him of his troubles?

No, no... it was not her fault... she was making an innocent comment. Sakagami wouldn't have said that if she had known. Calm down. "Well," he croaked. There were no words to followup. What did he want to say? He was battling his inner emotion. "Well," he repeated. "Come with me," he said, taking her hand and leading her into the toy shop. A mischievous smile appeared on his face as they moved.

Inside, the sight that met them was toys; plastic toys on shelves, action figures in little bag-wrappings, plush toys, some of which were sitting by the window for display. Some of these children's delights were popular shows or mascots, others were generic designs. There were a few people, too; a group children with an adult, admiring the assorted objects; a few others whom were alone, likely picking out a gift for someone.

"So tell me," he said, his eyes only a few inches away from her's. He had let go of her hand, with both of his at his side. The impish smile, which was even making use of his eyebrows, refused to leave his face. "If you were bored, what would you do... at a toy shop?"

[Sakagami Tomoyo]

Sakagami Tomoyo
______________________________________________________

...

No response?

She turned her head to see him. Although his face was equally as immature as other freshmen, not yet bearing the more chiseled appearance of a man, Tomoyo couldn't help but notice Densetsu's worn down and vacant expression, reminiscent of worries beyond the scope of normal teenage life.

"Well," the boy finally said in a strained voice. "Well, come with me."

All of a sudden, he turned his face from hers... and took her hand in a surprisingly firm hold. Tomoyo's blue eyes widened with surprise and she stared at his hand clasped around her smaller one.

"Hey," the girl gave a tug of hesitant refusal, "What are you doing?"

Her balance stumbled forward from his pull.

It all happened too quickly. Could she be the next victim of his infamous spontaneity? She soon found it easier to merely slip into the flow rather than cause a scene prying herself free from his grasp (which she honestly could have done without a problem, but... could it be that she wanted to see what kinds of things Densetsu planned to do as he dragged her into the store?).

In a flurry of action and movement, she found it nigh impossible to formulate a single comprehensible thought. Past the jingling bells at the door, she was whisked into the bright interior of the toy shop with its plush animals, porcelain dolls, and toy trains.

Oddly enough, she had the sense the two of them actually fit in with the other customers. A pair of teenagers rushing quietly into a toy shop was easily ignorable compared to a family with kids bouncing up and down in front of shelves, begging their parents to buy them the latest toy fad.

"So tell me," Densetsu said with a devilish smile and cocked brows, "What would you do... at a toy shop?"

She shook out her hand, now free from his, and shot him an apprehensive glare... only to have it melt into a faintly amused grin. Maybe she'd been imagining things before; the boy in front of her was neither tired nor worn out; now she was staring only at a mischievous teen.

Tomoyo took a step back from his too close face and seized the opportunity to take a look at her surroundings.

"Frankly, I wouldn't be here in the first place..." she began slowly, taking in the sight of the small stocked shelves and stuffed bears. "But then there was this guy," she said with her humored, accusative gaze landing upon the thin young male in front of her, "who dragged me in here against my will."

She placed her hands on her hips, sighed in an exaggerated fashion, and resumed her search for the one thing she would do if she were bored... at a toy shop. What was there to do? What kind of answer did the boy want? Surely it wasn't something as simple as "I'd buy one of those stuffed animals."

"I don't know..."

It would be infinitely easier to find something really fun to do if Densetsu were a little boy. Or if she were a little girl. But she saw nothing that would entertain the both of them; that was what he wanted, right?

Maybe...

"That?"

With her slender arm fully extended in a straight line, the sixteen-year-old pointed toward a vintage claw machine housed at the side of the entrance.

[Densetsu Karu]

He had won from her another grin. Her curiosity seemed to have bettered her hesitance; if she was really set on not following him she could have stopped him with her apparent strength. It was a risk to take, since he was quite impulsive. As demonstrated in the past, there were hardly any actions too crazy for him to take.

"What would you do... at a toy shop?"

"Frankly, I wouldn't be here in the first place... But then there was this guy who dragged me in here against my will."

An accusation? No, it was a joke. The young woman's hands moved to her slender hips as she studied the store around them. She was actually taking him seriously, then? How amusing. "That?" Her arm extended to full length, pointing towards a claw machine. Eh? Those things were a waste of money. Despite that fact, he was still inclined to take her suggestion.

Karu approached the machine, with its tiny impossible crane arms. "I didn't expect you to seriously suggest something. Actually, I was joking..." He trailed off as his eyes caught sight of a small doll. She was lying on her back with her eyes closed. The doll looked like his comatose sister.

Wordlessly, he inserted a coin into the cheap machine and took control of the metal claw. He released the claw of the doll with the push of a button. It lowered over her... the arms of the claw closed around her... then the claw lifted, slipping away and leaving the doll behind. Pure disappointment washed over him.

"...I hate these things," he said to no one in particular. Then he remembered that Sakagami was standing behind him. He had been so caught up in the game he had forgotten her presence. "Sakagami-san," he said, his eyes still fixed on the doll. "Would you be willing to assist me in obtaining that?" He pointed at the sleeping girl.

Oh, maybe he shouldn't have asked her... isn't that indirectly asking for money? Although, she was the one who had suggested the game. That made it okay. He just needed that doll! It was his sister! If he could get it, maybe... no, that's just silly.

[Sakagami Tomoyo]

Sakagami Tomoyo
______________________________________________________

“I didn’t expect you to seriously suggest something,” he said. “Actually, I was joking…”

She was leaning to the side and rising on the balls of her feet, peering over the boy’s shoulders and sizing up the goods behind the glass pane of the machine.

“Oh…. really?” Tomoyo frowned and folded her arms. Either people were really bad at making jokes, or she was really bad at picking them out.

“Make your jokes more obvious next time.”

There were small dolls not much bigger than her hand, dinosaurs with bright pastel colors, and floppy horses and dogs. Unlike most prizes from claw machines, these didn’t even look that bad. In fact, some of them were quite cute. Really cute. She had the feeling a few were popular mascot characters from television shows, but admittedly, she wouldn’t know.

With the clinking of coins and a low mechanic whir, the claw machine suddenly stirred to life. Tomoyo turned her head and stared, her eyes wide and questioning.

“You’re really trying?” she asked incredulously.

What happened to it being a joke?

With tense anticipation, Tomoyo watched over the boy’s shoulder while the red numbers counted down at an alarming rate. The claw swung back and forth in its characteristically slow and unreliable way, reeling from the slightest change of direction, the slightest tilt of the lever. With only ten seconds left, the mechanical hand hovered precariously over a doll… and began its painfully slow descent.

It closed with an infuriatingly loose grip and rose up again, empty.

“… I hate these things.”

Tomoyo nodded her head in silent agreement.

Claw machines were a waste of money. Sure, they could be a fun novelty, but they were always rigged to work against the player just so that the store could earn some extra money. Still, as much as she thought them unfair, even she was guilty of blowing her extra change on the machines every once in a while. Today was no exception.

Fueled not only by his request, but also by a childlike competitive spirit to succeed where Densetsu had failed, she rummaged through her bag until her slender fingers found the soft form of her wallet.

“That little doll, right? The one sleeping?” she asked for quick confirmation before feeding her cash into the machine.

“Strange choice… but fine.”

…

Her body was quick to crumble over the machine in defeat. Her hands gripped the sides of the machine to support her weight while her long silver hair cascaded forward to hide her face. She remained there, motionless, wallowing in her own failure and the newest dent in her wallet.

“You’re not getting that doll for yourself, are you?”

She pushed off the machine, stepped back, and turned to face him with faintly amused eyes. “You’re supposed to go for something easier, something that’s not so impossibly lodged in between the other toys.”

[Densetsu Karu]

“That little doll, right? The one sleeping? Strange choice… but fine.”

With that, she began her own battle against the machine to obtain the doll... Sakuya... He admired that she decided to assist him. If he were in her place... he would not have been nearly as courteous. No... nice. Was she being... a friend?

Unfortunately, her efforts were wasted, as she, too, was foiled by the infernal machine. A little dramatically, she hung her head forward over the machine's controls, her hair untidily hanging over her face, and her arms tensely gripping the sides of Sakuya's cage.

“You’re supposed to go for something easier, something that’s not so impossibly lodged in between the other toys.”

Karu stepped up to the machine, inserted another coin, and played for a crudely-made teddy bear lying next to the doll. The small claw picked it up, partially, and then, he slammed the machine with his arm, purposefully causing the claw to drop the bear, but this time away from Sakuya. This lent him more space to pick her up. Was it worth the money? With another coin, he tried to take her up once again. He managed to enclose the claws over the fragile doll, but as before, they slipped over her and returned with nothing.

"Damn it," he sighed, a deep, stressful sigh. This was his sister, Sakuya. If he could save her from this cage, maybe he could rescue her real soul. It was silly, but the thought comforted him: he could finally free her from the dark coma that had taken her so many months ago... it felt like the first glimmer of hope he had had in a long time. He could not even consider the alternative.

"You may not understand this, but I need this doll," he said, not even looking at Sakagami in the eye. He felt too foolish, too stupid, to look at her face and explain his reasoning, his hope. He would not request her money or effort on this... he would do this himself. "If you want.... You don't have to help me with this. I'm just crazy. If you have better things to do, feel free to..." His ramblings ceased as he lost his train of thought.

She can't see him like this! His defences, his mask, they were stripped away in this place. He wished to be somewhere else! He wished to be anywhere. He wished, that he wasn't here, that he was back overseas, back in his comfortable former life. He wished Sakuya was with him again, that he could feel her sit next to him and listen to him read stories until they both drifted into sleep, that he could hear her beautiful singing, that he could push her back and forth on the swings in the rusty old park. He wished that his sister, his only real friend, was by his side.

And, as Sakagami could read this deeper side of him, all over his face and actions, he wished that he was invisible again.

[Sakagami Tomoyo]

Sakagami Tomoyo
______________________________________________________

She watched his form drift toward the machine again, taking notice of the subdued determination in his gait. Was he going to keep trying until he won? Or, Tomoyo’s fingers brushed lightly along the vinyl edge of her wallet, would his money run dry before then?

She shifted her weight and the thought crossed her mind that she might need to remain standing until either of the two occurred… and there was no knowing how long that would take. From the look in his eyes (she’d seen that sort of look before), those were the only options; there was no quitting now.

“Come on, you can do it,” she silently cheered him on, her hands gripped loosely into fists in front of her. Part of her hoped he would succeed just so she wouldn't need to play for him again. If he ran out of money, would he try to solicit more from her? She shuddered at the mere--

Oh?

Her eyebrows rose on her face and her blue eyes opened wide. Had her cheering worked? The metallic claw closed loosely around a crude teddy bear, gingerly lifted it up, and crept toward the winning area. Just a bit more...!

Slam!

…

Baffled, Tomoyo’s head jerked away from the machine and toward the boy playing it. Densetsu’s forearm was pressed tense against the machine’s smooth surface. He’d done it himself. Why, she wondered? Why did he waste a perfectly good victory? She opened her mouth to question him, but the content expression on the first-year’s face convinced her otherwise.

And he tried again, this time for the doll.

"So that was his plan," she observed.

The bear had served only as an obstruction to his goal; with it out of the way, the little girl wasn’t so impossibly buried. Still, why did he feel the need to lose the bear? Tomoyo childishly wished he took it anyway -- if not for him, then maybe for her or for someone else.

“Damn it,” the boy sighed in frustration. Another loss.

Tomoyo folded her arms across her chest and closed her eyes. Her warm breath streamed out from her lightly parted lips in a sigh. For whatever reason, this doll was important to him. It wasn’t just about fun and games; that much was obvious by his sorely disappointed and humorless reaction.

… Either that or he just didn’t take losses well. Tomoyo couldn’t quite tell which it was, but decidedly assumed it was the former.

“You may not understand this, but I need this doll,” Densetsu said in a low voice.

Hardly the least bit surprised, she looked at him. He did not look at her.

“If you want… you don’t have to help me with this. I’m just crazy. If you have better things to do, feel free to…”

Tomoyo frowned and gazed sympathetically at him. What was behind his self-defeating attitude? There was something about him... something very exposed and vulnerable, but it was still ever so unknown to her. It made her want to listen to him, to help him. And as crazy as the thought was, it made her want to protect him.

Whatever it was... was complicated, wasn't it?

But why would he want to tell her anything? He had no reason to and she didn't expect him to.

“While the thought of leaving you here is tempting, I won't,” she said. She certainly had other things to do, but she wasn't about to leave him. Not now, at least. Did that make her nosy? Maybe. But she could confidently say she was more concerned for his emotional well being than she was nosy about his personal life.

She craned her neck to stare at a distant corner of the store.

"I don't expect you to tell me anything," Tomoyo said, "but don't assume people won't understand. They might. In fact, they probably will."

Although they could hardly call each other friends, it still hurt to see him in this state. She only hoped she sounded as assuring as she sounded in her own head.

[Densetsu Karu]

Why? Why did she display such compassion, such kindness? Did she see something for herself in this? No, he found it hard to believe this was a selfish act. She had no reason to talk to a wasted soul such as he... no reason to show him kindness. And yet, she did.

"You are a good person," he said, just barely loud enough for her to hear. Her kindness made him want to return the warmth. He decided then, that as soon as he could, he would return the bit of life she instilled in him. At last, she was a person who radiated life. She was not like the machines that poked and prodded at him, demanding his own life-force as though they had the rights to the whole world.

Sakagami had been likely curious as to his behavior even since she heard of his misadventure in the school cafeteria, but she did not voice her questions. She respected his privacy. His privacy, his life, it was not something she would trample or mock. Whether he would tell her anything or not, she had tried to be a friend anyways. With a pang of guilt, he realized he had done the exact opposite.

"Forgive me," he said to her, his face grim. "I have done you a terrible sin. I should not have been so callous as to request information about your personal life during our last meeting." He didn't know how to continue, so he turned towards the machine once again, where Sakuya lay. He reached into his wallet for another coin, only to realize he had used his last.

"Ah..." he breathed a long, drawn out, sigh. "This cage has depleted my small supply of coins, it seems." A depressing thought crept over him. If he couldn't get her out, would his sister be trapped forever? He was torn; he needed to assist her, to allow her to escape, but he had no way to do so. He wouldn't dare ask Sakagami to try again, lest he attack his own conscience.

What could he do?...

"It seems my earlier drama was for naught."

He had to give up, didn't he? There was no other way. Or, maybe... maybe he could return, on a later date? He could try again, couldn't he? He would come back. One day, he would release Sakuya from this bondage of her soul. A long-awaited release for both him, and her.

"Thank you," he said, staring hard into Sakagami's eyes. He felt a strength he hadn't felt for a long time, one harvested on the field of friendship. He could feel his first spark of joy since the accident. A familiar, yet foreign, feeling. For a single moment, one small, beautiful moment, he felt alive.

He was no longer invisible.

[End]