Post by Naegi Kyoko on Jan 31, 2020 18:39:26 GMT -6
||| NAEGI KYOKO |||
Tsukiko Tsutsukakushi ; The Hentai Prince and the Stony Cat
#Name ; Naegi Kyoko
#Age ; 15
#Gender ; Female
#Sexuality ; Lesbian
#D.O.B. ; March 19th, 1988
#Occupation ; High School Student
#Year and class ; 1-B
#Height ; 4'7"
#Weight ; 85 lbs
#Physique ; Petite
#Hair color and style ; Short, dark brown. She wears it mostly down, but has a small portion tied into a ponytail on the right side of her head.
#Eye color ; Blue
#Clothing styles ; Kyoko's outfit usually consists of a random t-shirt and a pair of shorts, with a hoodie thrown over the entire outfit. She also sometimes wears overalls. She doesn't really seem to care much about looking fashionable, but she at least looks presentable.
#Personality ;Kyoko is an extremely ambitious person. If she decides on a goal, even when she just made on a complete whim, she won't quit until she accomplishes this. It doesn't matter how impossible the goal may seem. Part of this is due to her stubborn nature, as even when she knows her attempts are fruitless, she'll continue trying anyway. This isn't necessarily a terrible trait, but she takes it to the point of causing her severe stress and anxiety. She really needs to learn how to take a breather once in awhile, and learn that life isn't a competition. She doesn't always need to push her limits.#History ;
Logically, she does understand this. She's fully aware that what she's doing has negative effects on her and will continue to do so until she learns how to break this bad habit of her's. It just... doesn't seem to register. She knows and acknowledges it, but continues to do it anyway. It's as if there's a complete mental block between her thoughts and actions. She's tried to stop before, but it's easier said then done. She's been like this since she was in middle school. It's not easy to complete change a huge aspect of who she is. She's doing her best though, and she knows (or, at the very last, hopes) that she's making progress.
She's known to be extremely competitive when it comes to academic-related things. She doesn't care much about sports or artsy stuff. It doesn't really matter if other people are better at those things. However, books and knowledge are her forte. Her desire to be better than everyone else at this is do to a deep-rooted belief that her only positive thing about her is her intelligence. If that's taken away, she'll lose the only thing she genuinely likes about herself. It's the one thing that gives her any ounce of self-confidence. She can't risk losing that. If that means staying up at ungodly hours studying, crying from frustration and trying not to hyperventilate, then so be it.
She's often quiet. It's not just because she's anti-social and shy, although that's part of the reason. She wants to be able to speak her mind and communicate spontaneously without overthinking. But at times, she feels afraid to express herself this way. She worries there could be consequences if she does. In order to deal with this, she simply... doesn't talk. It's the most simple and obvious solution. Unfortunately, this leads her to keeping things to herself when her input would have greatly contributed and helped the people around her.
She's afraid to say what she means and swallows her thoughts and emotions. It causes her to appear emotionless, like a robot or something. She may seem cut off from her intuition, but she actually feels very deeply and is unsure how to express herself. It can be very overwhelming, like she's not in control of her own emotions. This bad habit of holding in her emotions usually doesn't end well, as when things become too much, she ends up exploding and saying very hurtful things to those around her, even when they haven't done anything to deserve her anger.
She likes to figure things out logically, and believes that everything should fit into a neat little pattern. However, at moments in life, this doesn't happen. Plans get altered, order is disrupted, and nothing seems to make sense anymore. She's no longer in control of her world. Believing that it's futile to try to understand, she has adopted a habit of trying to shut down her mind. This, unfortunately for her, doesn't always work.
In the case that it doesn't work, she tries to compensate by being over-controlling of everything around her: her environment, her loved ones, her workplace (in this case, school). Or she gives up and believes there's no truth worth communicating, and becomes outwardly cynical. But no matter what she does, it isn't possible to escape her discomfort and underlying emotions. And deep down, she's smart enough to realize this, but she doesn't know what else to do and so she doesn't want to accept that as the truth.
Ultimately, neither the shutdown or control plan work. She might be able to trick herself into thinking they're working, but it's really not and doing that just succeeds in hurting her more. She'll simply continue to feel emotionally triggered by small things. She may be completely together one minute, and then be shocked when some minor incident sets her off. Her reactions are surprisingly strong. They also seem illogical, because she normally has a very stoic and quiet demeanor. It's a huge contrast to her usual personality, and it can seem like it's coming out of nowhere.
She hates feeling like her emotions are out of control. She wants to stay calm and collected all the time, but life isn't always linear or orderly, and this is what comes up for her when things become irrational and illogical. Although she comes across as harsh, disconnected, or unappealing to others when this happens, the problem is actually the opposite. She feels so much that it becomes overwhelming. She's so terrified of her own thoughts, or worried that people will think she doesn't have her act together, that she can go obsessively into her mind and act compulsively.Kyoko had an easy life when she was younger. She lived with a loving mother and father, and was doing well in school. It just came so easily for her. She didn't even have to try, and she got amazing grades. She was often praised for her academic ability from both her teachers and parents alike, so she become extremely proud of that aspect about herself.
She didn't really have many friends. She was seen as snobby and rude, so people tended to steer clear of her. None of her peers were outright cruel to her, but they did go out of their way to come up with excuses not to hang out with her. It wasn't very difficult to take the hint. Due to this, she grew up with very few friendships, and the ones she did have were fleeting.
This caused her to feel like she wasn't good enough, and that there was something inherently wrong with her. She dealt with this by convincing herself that she didn't need friends, because at least she was super smart. She might not be the most social or artsy or athletic, but she had her intelligence. That's all that was needed.
Then everything went to shambles.
It started with her parents. They fought all the time, and even when they weren't, there always seemed to be this heavy tension around them that was so obvious even a twelve-year-old could easily detect it. There was also times her father would stumble in, intoxicated and reeking of a perfume that didn't belong to her mother. She started feeling resentful to her father when that kind of stuff began happening.
Honestly, despite how much she cried and screamed about it, there was a small part of her that was ecstatic when her father left without warning. She won't deny that she was devastated. However, looking back on it, she believes that everything turned out for the best in that regards. They were better of without him.
The next thing that fell apart was her academics. She had trouble with problems, got things wrong and needed to ask for help multiple times. This hadn't happened before. Everything had always come so easily for her. She wasn't supposed to need help! The worst part of this was that people were doing better than her. She couldn't accept that. Being smart was her thing. She was supposed to be on top.
So she studied obsessively. She poured herself into her textbooks, locking herself away from the world. She kept herself isolated from loved ones. It didn't matter. She needed to be the best. It was her thing, and she couldn't have that taken away from her. She was willing to sacrifice mental health, sleep, and relationships just so she wouldn't be second best.
That's basically the extent of her life so far. There isn't much that has changed since then.The Roleplayer's Corner
#Nickname ; Kaede
#Gender ; Female
#Roleplay Experience ; Again, first time on a forum.
#Experience with Clannad ; I'm planning on watching the second episode soon. I just haven't gotten around to it yet.
#How did you find us? ; I looked up anime role-play forums online. I wanted to join one.
#Sample Writing ;Kyoko felt like dying.
She sat on the floor of her bedroom. There was papers and textbooks scattered everywhere. It was all different subjects, so it was impossible to tell what she was working on. Honestly, she had no idea herself. She wasn't even working at this point. She was trying, but she just couldn't focus. Her mind wasn't cooperating with her at all on this.
She ran her hands through her hair. It got caught in the tangles. Oh, that's right... she hadn't brushed her hair in the past few days. She was preoccupied with other stuff. She didn't realize just how bad it had gotten. There were a frightening amount of knots and tangles. Had people at school noticed? Why hadn't her mom said anything about it? Why —
She was getting sidetracked. Right. Schoolwork. She'd been procrastinating all weekend, and now it was four o' clock in the morning. She only had a few hours before school. She couldn't afford any distractions right now. She needed to stop thinking about her hair or anything else. She only needed to think about homework. Homework, homework, homework.
She took a deep, shaky breath to calm her nerves (it failed) and picked up a random piece of paper. It was an essay for English. She had barely even started it. There was only a paragraph. It seemed fine earlier, but now that she looked at it... she had restated the prompt in the opening, skipped over or misspelled words due to her exhaustion, and had forgotten to indent.
She sighed and crumpled up the piece of paper, grabbing a new one from her binder. This was going to take awhile...